Is it me, or is it them?

Recently I bought a new mobile. Nothing high-tech. Actually I went to buy the old one I had: Nokia 1100. It is the cheapest and the most user friendly set around. For some reasons, users of 1100 very reluctant to change their sets. But well instead of the usual one, I bought one with radio in it. For a few days i was dilemma...you know the usual post purchase conflict: whether I had taken the right decision or not.... but surely i dont regret now.

The sole reason behind satisfaction is the radio. I am addicted to it. I have found a way to spend my time while travelling. I also carry a MP3 player with me, but for some mysterious reasons i just haven't grown fond of it. I was kind of trying to find out the reason behind the one sidedness; afterall the purpose of radio and mp3 is kind of the same. the following seemed to be a valid answer:
I loved some of the songs over the radio, which i dont have a clue where to get them. so i keep on listening, incase i get lucky; while on the other hand i know i own the songs in my mp3, so i can enjoy them whenever i want, which in most case is never.

Another reason may be that radio gives you a feel of interaction and is a great remedy for loneliness... i.e. suppose on a beautiful, rainy night when you are in dire need of someone beside you, switch onto the radio, and bam! theres someone conversing at the highest possible speed, talking about the romantic night, playing songs perfect for the environment, and the helplessness just seems to get washed away.

Talking of songs.....I have heard some really awesome songs, along with some really aweful ones. Well bad tunes have always been there....for time immemorial...... but hey whats with the lyrics! since when have they become

' andar biryani baar baar khai'

Mans best friend

I have always thought and felt that a man’s best friend is himself. So whatever step I take or took in my life, I tried to be clear to myself. I have always tried to avoid impulsive decisions, or emotions that would make me feel like an idiot later. And I have never really regretted much.

Whether confused, weak, or in turmoil, I have always sat with myself instead of consulting others. Definitely others views do matter, but I realize that no one would ever know me, or my feelings the way I do, hence at times I have gone against everyone’s will, and fixed my own destiny.I have found the shoulder to lean on, in time of helplessness within me.

I am not sure if this is being too much of preaching about oneself but the faith and confidence that I have on myself has let me live through many hard times totally alone. I tried to restrict my authorativeness only to my arena and I hate imposing my ideas, beliefs and values on others.

I always believe that my near and dear ones are a part of me, and when I disgrace or disrespect them, I also do it to a part of myself. So I usually try to suppress anything that is embarrassing about them. Yes, at times I do burst out, but hey…. I am a human being too.

Recently I have felt that I am not having time for my best friend, and all I am doing is somehow for the people around me whom I value. Definitely life is about making the people I care for happy, but maybe I am just paying too much a cost for it.
I have many a times stopped myself from saying bitter words to my parents, which I feel within; just because I thought they would get hurt. And this has led them to think that I am accepting or maybe agreeing with the decisions that they are taking, while on the other hand I was doing what I was doing only to make them happy.

These types of compromisation have also been made in case of other people I care about. And at times I feel that I am not being fair to myself. Maybe it is human nature to want progressively more of anything. So even when I have given the other person more space, confining mine, he/she has insisted for more. While I was reluctant in the first place, this new set of demand upsets me. I feel the pressure of making my best friend sad. All these at times pay off when I see the person I care and am sacrificing for happy.

Situations come when I realize that if I was on the demanding side, then the other person would not have given me so much room. I would have been humiliated and the consequences would have been terrible. While I have made adjustments against my will, the person on the other end just seemed to be ignorant about my presence, my feelings, and the sufferings I go through for having to give up the things I value.
So I feel that I am not doing justice to myself when I am entertaining others values, or in that matter trying to meet their unjustified demands.

I end up being uncompassionate to my best friend and not being true to myself.

Yeah....more!

this is how i waste time these days :D :D

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only

Honestly, you're not really ready for a relationship right now. And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now. That's not to say that one of your friends could be dating material. You're just taking a break for now.

What Language Should You Learn?

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs. You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

The Three Question Personality Test

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

What Age Do You Act?

You Are 13 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Well, I make a 13 yr old guardian! How'z that!!!!

Fun Quizzes

For some reason blogspot is playing pranks with me, and is making it tougher for me to post anything. Now that i could finally get in, i have nothing to write. hence posting some of the fun quizzes I have been taking.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Birthdate: October 31

Your birthday suggests that you are a good organizer and manager, an energetic and dependable worker; attributes often showing success in the business world. Serious and sincere, you have the patience and determination necessary to accomplish a great deal. Your approach can be original, but often rigid and stubborn. Sensitivity may be present, but feeling are likely to be repressed. You are good with detail and insist on accuracy, but at times scatter energies. You're a practical thinker, but not without imagination. You love travel and don't like to live alone. You should probably marry early, for responsibility is necessary for your stability.

How Do People See You?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

in short: i fell from the rickshaw, and the rickshaw fell on my leg
result: 2 cracks and 1 undisplaced fracture and few bruises here and there.
treatment: plaster from thigh to fingers, and bed rest for 6 weeks

will write details when i m bit more healed.

give me ideas

i m supposed to be in bed rest for 6 weeks, and its just 4 days. i m already bored, and tired of taking rest. though i plan to start my daily activities within a few days, yet i have no clue, and am scared as to how i m to spend the next few days.

can anyone suggest me something interesting? i m on tranquilizers, so i start snoring minutes after i start reading. i hardly use the computer, because its hard for me to position my plastered leg when i m on the computer.

waiting for ideas.....

staying over

just felt like posting smthng new, hence.......

i had spent two nights with my cousin, at her hostel, and proved myself to be the greatest lazybones, of all time!

let me give a bit of description of the structure of the building. thru the middle of the building is the stairs, and the rooms are lined on both the sides of the stairs, and at each corner of the building are the washrooms.
so from the corners it goes like this: washroom, about 10 rooms, then stairs, then ten rooms, then again the washroom. apus room was one just beside the stairs.

i was too lazy to walk all the way to the washroom, hence:

1. i made apu feed me :$, so that i cud get away without having to wash my hands ; i did the same thing when i was in rangpur. bouma (my chachi) fed me most of the time :$

2. i soaped and washed my face in the empty bucket kept just outside the room. i also used the bucket as a basin and water bottle as the tap, when i needed to wash my hands (after a mega pickle-eating session that is)

3. i slept for 12 hrs with 3 hrs gap in between (i got up as a formality towards her roommates, and to have my breakfast cum lunch: definitely apu fed me). i slept from 2 am to 11 am, and then again from 2 pm to 5 pm. in the sleep-break i didnt leave the bed for more than 5 minutes :$. i went to bed again that night by 1:30 pm, and had a deep sleep!!!!

the only physical activity i seem to have done is walk around the hostel at night. me and apu after dinner each night, that is around 11 pm, walked around the lawn and chatted. she would get easily tired(she has arthritis)and sit to talk with her husband, or brother over the phone; and i would keep on roaming, for around hour two or so (i never carried my mobile that time).I loved it.

i had been having sleeping problems lately, everynight i used to wake up seeing nightmares. last wednesday night i was so scared when i woke up, that i decided not to go back to sleep, but found out that it was only 2:30 am, and i had gone to bed at 1 am. this nightmare problem totally vanished, since i stayed with her.

now i gotcha go, and study for my quiz tomorrow :(

habit or addiction?

i always thought internet was an inseperable part of my life. but now that i have spent two weeks in rangpur without internet, i know i can live without it!

it is not that i was very busy or i went out too much, rather i spent the days just being lazy, and lying around, and almost all my cuz's having exams, they were not free either to spent time with me, but still i was not bored for a second! so when i was asked to postpone my return, i immediately agreed and cancelled my ticket, though my classes were starting the day after!

well, i did miss my pc, but that was only for the songs. yet for some weird reason, when i got back to dhaka, the first thing i did was turn on my pc, and get online!

mersmerizing artworks: a few sites

first i thought these were mere photos, but soon i realised i was wrong....and got mersmerized by the depth of minute details the artist could depict in his paintings.

this is an warehouse of excellent artworks, if you are interested and have enuf time, make sure u check them out. they have some brilliant collections.

i loved the tones of these works, especially the 'rain rain go away' one.

if you are up for some weird but creative photos, then maybe u would find this interesting (make sure you are alone while checking them out)

site

this is one of my very favourite sites.

i literally wait for it to be updated every sunday.

fascination

check out my obsession.

a bit of information

i live for myself hence i do what i feel like doing.
i live for myself hence i dont do what i m not comfortable doing.

i dont like to be charged for what i do.


Inference:
you cannt charge me for something i did, because i felt like doing.
you cannt charge me for smthng i didnot do, because i was not comfortable doing.

Bottom line:
i live for myself. i DO NOT live to reflect the images you have on your mind

Confessions of a repentant mind

There is a final exam due tomorrow, and as always as I had started studying at the last possible moment, and the very tight schedule looked like this:

11-12: BRAC + MELA & BASC + BDS
12-1: Article SME 3 & Tech 1
1-2: Conflict Management
2-3: Theories: psycho, socio & economic

After reaching the optimum level, there was a sudden halt. Jhijhi( my fuppi) called from Iran. Then as I sat to study again, and had just began to accelerate...when the sms came. Nothing unusual, its just 12:29 am, I am to finish studying the first article within one minute….but for some reason, the sms ringer gave me an eerie feeling. For a second, I thought lets not take a look at the sms now. Then I thought maybe, it’s some rescheduling of tomorrows program, and decided to check it.

Early in the afternoon today, some of us were deciding to pay a visit to one of our classmate’s father. Ever since I knew Zihan, her father has been suffering from kidney problems and diabetes. Today her father was supposed to undergo a leg amputation, due to development of gangrene. For some reasons, later me and Saba stepped back, and decided to delay our visit by one day. And at 12:30 am tonight, I got the sms that Zihans father passed away.
This is not the first time this has happened. Sometime, around October last year, the same incident had taken place. I decided to pay a visit to one of my very good friend’s father at hospital, and later postponed the program, just to find that there was no chance of meeting him again. Had I not decided only today that I would pay a visit, and later cancelled, then it would have effected me in a different manner.

I learn today, that I never learn from my past experiences. And hence I live with so many ‘if and only if’s .

could or should have been a comment

i have tried to leave a msg with loneranger, but his 'leave comment' option seems to be disabled. by the way its great to see people outside my friends circle here. thanks to all of you!!!

getting to the point of loneranger: it is not and definitely not our religion, rather it is misinterpretation and ignorance about the religion. these create a misconception that helps the opinionleaders to utilise the religion in a manner which wud make them more powerful.

if something of this sort would have occured in the west, then it would have recieved so much exposure, that people, in the future, wud refrain themselves from such acts.

because the social atmosphere here is such, that these things usually dont leak out or get a chance to come into the limelight, they keep reoccuring, and people get the guts to do so, knowing that they can get away with it.

but i dont exactly blame it on the social atmosphere either. behind social atmosphere there lies economy, education, psychology, culture, values, norms, power politics....and a hell lot of things.

going back to religion: religion, i personally think promotes peace, brotherhood, respect, perseverance and things that we expect from a rational person. there is no place for such brutal behavior, either in Islam, or in any other religion.
Mr. Loneranger.....being a broadcast journalist, its your duty to spread truth and knowledge. i wonder how a person with such misconception is able to do such a responsible job!!!

maybe this shud have been in the comment section of the previous writing, but it was getting so huge, so i thought i wud create a new blog instead

helpless

few days back i was with my friends, and this topic of mukhtaran mai came up. i was shocked when i heard it.

loveless love-making sounds sick and disgusting to me....and this thing here is so much more than that. not rape, not even gang-rape, but a lot more to it: gang-rape in the front of whole village.and what was this poor ladies fault? she had plead to the chief of the panchayat not to punish her brother for being seen with a girl of higher clan!

after hearing tit-bits, i came home and read the story. i could do nothing more than clutch my fist, and grit my teeth and moments later i closed my eyes,and let out a breathe of frustation.

frustration of being one of the more vulnerable sexes.
frustration of being so incapable.
frustration of being so unable.

what more can i do other than sit in bangladesh and empathize with a lady in pakistan...because we share the same gender and same fears!


while writing this blog, i remembered a little conversation with one of my friends at school. she had asked many girls, and found out that every single one had been molested when they were child.

Feedback

this is one of my friends reaction to the previous blog named 'emni i'.I took time to put in the symbol of the emoticons cos i thought they depict the reactions better

® says:
tor blog ta besh interesting...check kori majhe majhe
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
so nice of you ;;)
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
feel free to leave comments :P
® says:
koi?
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
okhane acheyto............'post comments'
® says:
oppssss :S kheal kori nai
® says:
tobe amar comment ta i guess public forum e kora jabe na
® says:
:)
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
tahoole ekhanei kor
® says:
amar comment ta is more like a jhari
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
:D
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
de de no prob :P
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
i mean okhane de :P
® says:
so oita oikhane korle shobai bolbe eishob ki
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
are dhuut
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
koyjoni baa dhuke okhane :P
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
aar amar apotti na thakle onno karo apotti te ki ashey jay :P
® says:
na thak
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
accha baba thaklo :P
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
onek meyelipona hoise :P
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
ebaar jhari ja deyar diye den :D
® says:
tui ekta jinish bol amake...
® says:
tui nijeke ki bhabish? beutiful naki intelligent?
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
shit.............eta kon dike jacchey :S
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
o accha
® says:
naki duitai? :P
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
intelligient :D
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
tahn most ppl of my age :D
® says:
lolll
® says:
dont play with ppls mind dear...u know u r both ... tor dukhkhobilash dekhle amar emon mejaj kharap hoy!! :@
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
=))
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
shuni aar ki ki dhukkhobilash dekhaisi :P
® says:
dhong kom korba
® says:
ebong ei dhorner post korba na
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
ji huzur =))
® says:
jara tor ei thread porse tara na jani tore kemne chinta krose
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
ami ekhon ekta kaaj korte pari :D
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
amader ei log uthay dite pari blog e =))
® says:
if they can have a chance to see u taile they will be shocked
® says:
yah...why no
® says:
not
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
thanks for the permission :D
® says:
tui khub i shundor ekta meye
® says:
eibhabei thak shobshomoy
® says:
eita nia dukhkho kora lagbe na
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
okeys :P
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
ami kintu sheyjonno beautiful bolini :P
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
ami onno karone bolsi
® says:
tao abar public re nia
® says:
:D
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
okhane option chilo beautiful and dumb type smthng
® says:
yah...thts becoz u never tried to do so
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
amar kotha chilo je intelligient bole amake onekkaaj korte hoy
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
i m tired of doing so
® says:
thts ur plus point
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
i want to be dumb and beautiful for once :D
® says:
thak off jao...kaz koro...dumb and beutiful combination oshojjho ...
e mone joton kore bifol premer bij bunechey says:
amar pochondo :D shukher jibon :D
® says:
c*nd*m er add hoye gelo apu :D

emni i

onek din kichu post korina.....so thought onno jaygar post mere dei.
this is a debate i got into, at an online community. the topic was:

You are to be reincarnated. You are given two choices. Your first is to be a below average looking person with limited social skills. Your intelligence measures nothing short of genius and would allow you to pursue any field you choose. Your other option is to be a gorgeous social butterfly of below average intellect who is liked by everyone you meet (regardless of sex). Which do you choose? Which do you think is actually more advantageous in today's competitive society?

Given this forum's composition I have the feeling that intelligence will come out heavily weighted - but I encourage you to give it more than passing thought. Through my personal experiences so far in life, to be beautiful. it will be easy for you to be sexually gratified, you will have an active social life, and will generally be happy all around. I can't seem to come to a definite answer. Thoughts?

Posted by ayreena

definitely an intelligient person is more competitive for todays society. but i would go for beauty.

reason:

1. if i m beautiful, and at the same time liked by everyone around....it is very likely that i can find an intelligient person within the fan club, thru whom i can get my tasks done. (it feels great to be a free-rider)

over time i have learned, its brain that does and beauty that gets things done. i have done enuff this life........so next time...........

2. a dumb person is given less or no responsibilty.

3. if anything goes wrong, a dumb person is charged less that an intelligient person.

4. life for a dumb and beautiful person is easier, and simpler. their problems at the most reaches to 'Would Johny make a better husband than Sam?' or 'keno je shob chelera amari preme pore '

am too sleepy, cannt think of anything more at this moment

Posted by $HaDow Kid
dnt mind senora but sorry to say .. the things u said..to me it sounds more of being a looser!

Posted by ayreena

i feel more like a loser when i work for 5 days and nights, for getting a report done, and my beutiful classmate gets it done by her admirer

i feel more like a loser when i spend one hour understanding a formulae, and my beautiful classmate is coached the same formula in ten minutes by her admirer

i feel more like a loser when i cannot cross the one mark hurdle and get higher grades, and my beautiful classmate persuades the teacher to get 3 grace marks, and hence raise her grades

i feel like like a loser when my crush dates a more beautiful, but less intelligient girl.

yes, i understand, behind the success of the beauty is the brain.....but not always.i have seen what brains does in hours, beauty does in seconds. so i opt for beauty.

i hope i have made myself understood.

next 3 hours

i have an exam within 3 hours.....a midterm.
i have just skimmed thru 20% of the syllabus. dont know how i m going to make it.and i m least worried about the exam. kind of 'ki achey jibone' feeling.
now i plan to take a shower. then manjafy for half an hour. then go to iba, and addafy for 1 hr, and then sit for the exam.

its a long time, that i have sat for an unprepared exam. have gone thru several impromptu presentations recently, but 'impromptu'exam....mmmmmmmmmm it has been days.

i still have time to cover atleast 80% of my syllabus, but not feeling like.iccha jokhon kortesena tokhon aar ki kora!

Update: 22/7
Got my answerscript yesterday.....got a 70 out of 100. a good output, considering the input :D

Happiest day in weeks

what did i start my day with? dont exactly remember. Not that its too important, but just that the day being a joyous one for me....i was just wondering.

I was supposed to have a quiz today. recent depression, frustations and stresses kept me awake all night long. as a result i used to go to bed early in the morning. this constantly kept me from attending my 8 o'clock classes. that led to the fact that i didnot know what the syllabus was, neither did i have any idea of the content of the chapters.hence i didnot study a word. mmmm i wasnt even in a mental state to study. so when the quiz was not taken i was one of the happiest people!

in the morning, i realised that tomorrow i am supposed to have a midterm, with a HUGE syllabus. needless to say, i wasnt aware of the exam, and neither did i study a word. the realization just freaked me out. and the news of postponing the exam, sounded as good as my favorite music.

on my way home, i told saba- my friend, that i have a feeing that theres a surprise waiting for me at home....something good is going to happen.
as i was saying my prayers, my cell alerted me of an sms. half way thru my namaz, i checked it......and bang! i got a B+ in a subject i expected to get a C

and around 3 hrs later dadu informed me of a new tuition offer!

what more is needed to rock a day???!!!!

i know most of the good news is related to studies, but those who know me, knows that i m a nerd in no way!

stressed

stress is a new flavor of emotion for me.
and the way it tasted made me feel sick.

No, i didnt yell at people,i didnt throw utensils, i didnt smash things, i didnt kick my cpu, i didnt bang my mouse....but i have behaved rudely with the people around me.Rude, but in a subtle way...enuff to hurt them.

at the utmost point i felt like telling my beloved teachers 'maaf chai....onek koshto paitesi', but ego-istic as i am: never will admit that i cannot take in any more!

i m only half way thru, and have more to go. dont know how i m going to manage. i have stopped communicating with people around me...in fear of making severe blunders, like many times in the past. yes, some people i do regularly spent time with; but they are only those, who are going thru the same stress as i am...

i would like to conclude by thanking my respectable teachers, for adding a new dimension to my life.teacher of IBA rules!!!!!


*hate the overuse of the word 'I' in writings, but couldnt help using it, for this writing!

to Tumpa

hi there
How are you?
well, I can guess.

Tumpa.....why do you expect so much?
only because a person cared for you, doesnt mean that, that person will care for you forever.
only because a person has given you importance, doesnt mean that, that person will give you importance forever.
only because you meant a lot to a person, doesnt mean that you will mean the same to that person forever.

Tumpa aint you mature enuff to sense these things? then still why do you get hurt? why does these things agonize you?

grow up babu.get over it. its high time that you learn to engulf the neglects.

regards,
Ayreen

Necessary Evil

Student : sir, what is consumer profile?

Sir : find out.....i wont tell you. Use your imagination, and creativity.

And now i m using internet, marketing and consumer behaviour books, my imagination and my creativity.....and still i m clueless.

On one hand all these is just making me go crazy.

On the other hand,the detest for IBA is increasing at an exponential rate.i cannt figure out when and from where all this repulsion has piled up! this i think is quite strange....an institution being so unpopular among its students. i guess the reason behind it is its teachers.

---------------------------------------

dhuut aar likhte iccha hoccheyna........iba ke guuli korte iccha hocchey

oshojjo
oshojjo
oshojjo
oshojjo
oshojjo
oshojjo

uffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

dhutttttttteeeeeeerrrrrrriiiiiiiiiii
dhuut
dhuut
dhuut
biroktikor
oshojjo
baaaaa******************************

the rest is censored

A Loser and A Detainee

And finally it did rebel. Neither was i prepared for it, nor did i expect it! but later i guessed that I had crossed my limits. And who would tolerate that!!!

The reaction it gave was soft but strong enough to give me the feeling that if I crossed my limits again, then it would go against me anytime. And my sadist part, jumped up at this. The sadist wanted to torment, torture, hurt. But logic said 'don’t...next move by it would be more severe, you won’t be able to handle the blow'

Maybe logic was right. But still sadist was too eager. Sadist wanted to give in more load, and take away available time for rest. Logic wanted to give more rest, and reduce the stress.

---------------------------------------

And what about me? What was my reaction? What did I want to do?
Well to speak the truth I was thunderstruck! I mean anyone in my position would have been! But maybe my reaction was stronger.
Why? Only because I thought I owned and had full control over the being that had revolt. So it had shocked me! I felt pity for myself. ‘Poor Ayreen! She doesn’t have control over her own physical health’ I realized.
Yes it was poor me. Because the whole thing suddenly was pointing and mocking at me ‘You are not as powerful as you think you are! You have no control over yourself, you can dominate nothing’.
It is true! I can’t control my emotions. I can’t control my thoughts. I can’t control my thought process. I can’t control the way I feel for people I don’t want to feel for. I can’t control my sentiments. I can’t traffic my wrong emotions.
And now this thing showed me that I can’t control my working hours, I can’t control my sleeping hours, I can’t control my food intake, I can’t control my leisure period.

I am such a loser! I am a detainee in the hands of my own body, and my own mind! And it took me so long to realize that!

Hayre ami!!!

'jonmer moto shikkha hoye gese. erporer baar theke bhalo hoye jabo. swear upon god.jedin classe ja porabe, bashay eshey tokkhoni taa pore felbo. jiboneo last raater jonno kichu rakhbo na.'

'next time theikka bhalo hoye jamu giya. aar nokol korum na, eibaari shesh baar.'

'touba kortesi....aar jodi last raater jonno report er konokaaj rakhsi...jedin report er topic fix kora hobey,sheydin theke good girl er moto kaaj shuru korum'

'bohut goragori khawa hoise...porikkhar aar tindin baki!!! kalke theke bhalo manusher moto porar table e boshum'

'Allah ajke jeno sir quiz na ney! Allah plz roll call o jate na kore.kalke theke good girl er moto class korbo!! promise! aar class miss dibo na'

'swear....kalke class shesh howa matroi good girl er moto back to bari. no more of 'toto-giri''

'Allah please, please, please....ajker moto sir ke deri koray dao. ami jeno sir er agey class e pouchate pari!!! Allah please!! ajke theke oboshshoi obosshoi obosshoi bhalo manusher moto early to bed, early to rise rule follow korbo!'

'baaper poyshay bohut to khailam...next job opportunity te definitely good girl er moto cv joma dibo. aar alshemi kora jabeyna!!'

'aajkei shesh. ei maashe no more eating out.bhalo meyer er moto bari giye lunch..khali khali taka noshto,aar mota howa!'

'dhuut mota hoye jaitesi, yoga shuru korum from next month. shotti!!! good girl er moto regular execise korum'

'kalke theke namaz shuru korbo. bohut faakibaazi hoise, eibaar ektu bhalo manush hoi!!!'



Hayre ami!!! shob i hoy...shudhu 'good girl' howa aar hoyna!!!!

Ayreen in Wonderland 2

i have learned to transform:

from friend to competitor
from listener to communicator
from spectator to presenter
from leader to follower
from product to consumer
from consumer to marketer
from marketer to financer
from financer to manager
from manager to legal advisor
from programmer to service provder
from researcher to subject
from surveyor to respondent
from criticizer to praiser
from learner to coach


I have learned to trade:

quality for quantity
ethics for grades
personality for bootlicking
emotion for logic
truth for relation
conscience for benefits


I have come across teachers who:

take 15 minutes to 19 hr exams
prefers quantity over quality
are punctual to one hour late
are strict about 0.5 mark to linient about 10 marks difference
are strongly biased to non biased
says 'you are the brightest' to 'jaa chyamra doura'
claims 'Teachers are god here' to'What i say is nonsense, why do you listen to me?



Alice, do you have options of so many transformation in your wonderland?
do you have so many variations of one species in your wonderland?
come visit my wonderland someday.
Its called IBA

(**this is a copy of the previos blog,just that i was not sure which one was better!!!!.....would be expecting your comments regarding this!)

Ayreen in Wonderland

One moment a friend, next moment a competitor
one moment a listener, next moment a communicator
one moment a spectator, next moment a presenter
one moment a leader, next moment a follower
one moment a product, next moment a consumer
one moment a consumer, next moment a marketer
one moment a marketer, next moment a financer
one moment a financer, next moment a manager
one moment a manager, next moment a legal advisor
one moment a researcher, next moment an programmer
one moment a surveyor, next moment a respondent


one moment i ask, next moment i answer
one moment i criticize, next moment i congratulate
one moment i learn, next moment i coach
one moment i question rickshaw pullers, next moment i question grameen phones marketing manager, regardin government policy.

one teacher takes 15 minutes midterm, another takes 19 hours midterm.
one teacher wants quantity, another wants quality
one teacher starts classes at 8, another starts same class at 9
one teacher: freeriders are smart, another freeriders are dead meat.
one teacher 'you are the brightest students' another 'jaa chyamra doura'
one teacher strict about 0.5 marks difference, another linient about 10 marks difference
one teacher says:'Teachers are god here' another teacher says:'What i say is nonsense, why do you listen to me?'
one teacher 'you can enter and leave the class as you wish' another 'no one enters the class after i enter'



Alice, do you have options of so many transformation in your wonderland?
do you have so many variations of one species in your wonderland?
come visit my wonderland someday.
Its called IBA

when?

talked to you few days back, you said that you cannot come.
talked to your brother today, he said that you will be coming.
understood that your brother means more to you!
i have nothing to say on that.
its ur life, u r to decide who means what to you.
maybe u lived longer with your family, so they mean more to you.
maybe u feel more attached to them for the same reason!

last time you came, after 4 years, for a month. and went to your brother, spent 15 of 30 days of ur holiday there.
of the last 3400 days (approximately) i have spent at most 100 days with you, rest of the days went in anticipation of these 100 days.
me being detached from my family: maybe u r the reason behind it.

but shouldnt you have understood? when your family means so much to you, then it should mean the same to me! i need my family as much as you do! my brothers mean just as much as your brothers mean to you!

abbu.... i long to be with my family too.
i want to have a family too.
its only one life i have, i dont want to feel so secluded for a lifetime.
when will you ever understand?

or should the question be: will you ever understand?

(**by family i mean parents and siblings)

not my day

having tea at this moment.

today exactly has not been my day!!!! started the morning with tonsillitis (hope thats the spelling :P) and continuing it with a sore throat. the humid weather is making me feel sick. there goes the physical conditions.

classes started with returning of answer scripts.more than average, but less then opponent....that too 10%, good enough to ruin the day!!! also the fact that i could have scored as much as that person, if only i had not made the silly mistakes, just makes things worse. moreover the teacher gave only 50% in class participation, to add to the disaster :D :D :D but still i m thankful to the teacher for postponing our presentation, else we would have just been devastated.

next comes inconsiderate and stubborn people. usually i dont mind that, but when i cannt explain a person that i need my groupmates for a assignment due in one hour more than her, who has her assignment due in one week, makes me totally raging in anger. how inconsideration on ones part can just ruin others!!!

talking of inconsideration, next comes irresponsible people!!! what to do with the person, who knows theres an important appointment at 12, and leaves for home at 11, without even informing the group members. man........they should be hanged :@ :@ :@

rest of the day has not been as bad. just some impunctualities, by groupmates, which is so very common, that we have even learned a term for it 'polychromic', and also that 10 means 11:30. had some unproductive group discussions.

man!!! msn just kicked me out, while i was recieving some pictures from my frnd!!! whatta luck baby :D :D :D

not feeling like writing any more.

now i cannt even post this message =)) lollllzzzzz

while my net returns to life, i just remembered a few more things to add on. talked to my parents in the morning. they were to visit bangladesh this june, and they confirmed that they have cancelled there visit.
another thing i just recalled now is, i starved till the afternoon, and had my first meal in then.

doesnt all that cumulate to a worse day? well, to make my day even worser, i have a new glaring pimple on my face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!