A Loser and A Detainee

And finally it did rebel. Neither was i prepared for it, nor did i expect it! but later i guessed that I had crossed my limits. And who would tolerate that!!!

The reaction it gave was soft but strong enough to give me the feeling that if I crossed my limits again, then it would go against me anytime. And my sadist part, jumped up at this. The sadist wanted to torment, torture, hurt. But logic said 'don’t...next move by it would be more severe, you won’t be able to handle the blow'

Maybe logic was right. But still sadist was too eager. Sadist wanted to give in more load, and take away available time for rest. Logic wanted to give more rest, and reduce the stress.

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And what about me? What was my reaction? What did I want to do?
Well to speak the truth I was thunderstruck! I mean anyone in my position would have been! But maybe my reaction was stronger.
Why? Only because I thought I owned and had full control over the being that had revolt. So it had shocked me! I felt pity for myself. ‘Poor Ayreen! She doesn’t have control over her own physical health’ I realized.
Yes it was poor me. Because the whole thing suddenly was pointing and mocking at me ‘You are not as powerful as you think you are! You have no control over yourself, you can dominate nothing’.
It is true! I can’t control my emotions. I can’t control my thoughts. I can’t control my thought process. I can’t control the way I feel for people I don’t want to feel for. I can’t control my sentiments. I can’t traffic my wrong emotions.
And now this thing showed me that I can’t control my working hours, I can’t control my sleeping hours, I can’t control my food intake, I can’t control my leisure period.

I am such a loser! I am a detainee in the hands of my own body, and my own mind! And it took me so long to realize that!

Hayre ami!!!

'jonmer moto shikkha hoye gese. erporer baar theke bhalo hoye jabo. swear upon god.jedin classe ja porabe, bashay eshey tokkhoni taa pore felbo. jiboneo last raater jonno kichu rakhbo na.'

'next time theikka bhalo hoye jamu giya. aar nokol korum na, eibaari shesh baar.'

'touba kortesi....aar jodi last raater jonno report er konokaaj rakhsi...jedin report er topic fix kora hobey,sheydin theke good girl er moto kaaj shuru korum'

'bohut goragori khawa hoise...porikkhar aar tindin baki!!! kalke theke bhalo manusher moto porar table e boshum'

'Allah ajke jeno sir quiz na ney! Allah plz roll call o jate na kore.kalke theke good girl er moto class korbo!! promise! aar class miss dibo na'

'swear....kalke class shesh howa matroi good girl er moto back to bari. no more of 'toto-giri''

'Allah please, please, please....ajker moto sir ke deri koray dao. ami jeno sir er agey class e pouchate pari!!! Allah please!! ajke theke oboshshoi obosshoi obosshoi bhalo manusher moto early to bed, early to rise rule follow korbo!'

'baaper poyshay bohut to khailam...next job opportunity te definitely good girl er moto cv joma dibo. aar alshemi kora jabeyna!!'

'aajkei shesh. ei maashe no more eating out.bhalo meyer er moto bari giye lunch..khali khali taka noshto,aar mota howa!'

'dhuut mota hoye jaitesi, yoga shuru korum from next month. shotti!!! good girl er moto regular execise korum'

'kalke theke namaz shuru korbo. bohut faakibaazi hoise, eibaar ektu bhalo manush hoi!!!'



Hayre ami!!! shob i hoy...shudhu 'good girl' howa aar hoyna!!!!

Ayreen in Wonderland 2

i have learned to transform:

from friend to competitor
from listener to communicator
from spectator to presenter
from leader to follower
from product to consumer
from consumer to marketer
from marketer to financer
from financer to manager
from manager to legal advisor
from programmer to service provder
from researcher to subject
from surveyor to respondent
from criticizer to praiser
from learner to coach


I have learned to trade:

quality for quantity
ethics for grades
personality for bootlicking
emotion for logic
truth for relation
conscience for benefits


I have come across teachers who:

take 15 minutes to 19 hr exams
prefers quantity over quality
are punctual to one hour late
are strict about 0.5 mark to linient about 10 marks difference
are strongly biased to non biased
says 'you are the brightest' to 'jaa chyamra doura'
claims 'Teachers are god here' to'What i say is nonsense, why do you listen to me?



Alice, do you have options of so many transformation in your wonderland?
do you have so many variations of one species in your wonderland?
come visit my wonderland someday.
Its called IBA

(**this is a copy of the previos blog,just that i was not sure which one was better!!!!.....would be expecting your comments regarding this!)

Ayreen in Wonderland

One moment a friend, next moment a competitor
one moment a listener, next moment a communicator
one moment a spectator, next moment a presenter
one moment a leader, next moment a follower
one moment a product, next moment a consumer
one moment a consumer, next moment a marketer
one moment a marketer, next moment a financer
one moment a financer, next moment a manager
one moment a manager, next moment a legal advisor
one moment a researcher, next moment an programmer
one moment a surveyor, next moment a respondent


one moment i ask, next moment i answer
one moment i criticize, next moment i congratulate
one moment i learn, next moment i coach
one moment i question rickshaw pullers, next moment i question grameen phones marketing manager, regardin government policy.

one teacher takes 15 minutes midterm, another takes 19 hours midterm.
one teacher wants quantity, another wants quality
one teacher starts classes at 8, another starts same class at 9
one teacher: freeriders are smart, another freeriders are dead meat.
one teacher 'you are the brightest students' another 'jaa chyamra doura'
one teacher strict about 0.5 marks difference, another linient about 10 marks difference
one teacher says:'Teachers are god here' another teacher says:'What i say is nonsense, why do you listen to me?'
one teacher 'you can enter and leave the class as you wish' another 'no one enters the class after i enter'



Alice, do you have options of so many transformation in your wonderland?
do you have so many variations of one species in your wonderland?
come visit my wonderland someday.
Its called IBA